Guardians of the Galaxy and the problem with Marvel movies.


Sunday Judy and I went on a mid-afternoon movie date and finally got the chance to catch the latest Marvel eyeplosion Guardians of the Galaxy. Directed by James Gunn and starring Chris Pratt, the ever obnoxious Zoe Saldana, Vin Diesel(sort of), Dave Batista, Bradly Cooper, and a few others under a lot of makeup and CGI, the movie is based on a more obscure series of comics that date as far back as 1969.

Guardians of the Galaxy was a fantastic chicken nugget and extra-large fries kind of movie. Stupid, full of idiotic plot holes, but exceptionally fun. The first half of the movie when the characters are introduced and come together as a team is easily the best Marvel movie action so far. Quail Star-Lord a kind of Han Solo mixed with Fry from Futurama , teams up with a weird genetically engineered raccoon named Rocket, his giant inarticulate tree creature Groot, a violent buff and scarred Drax bent on revenge, and the typical warrior princess turned good Gamora. There’s a crazy McGuffin orb that contains a infinity stone that the evil bad guy, who’s kind of a Darth Vader with some face paint, wants to get so he could destroy the planet of boring people or something or other.

The plot made absolutely no sense but the movie was still awesome, guns were shot, a crazy talking Raccoon did things, a giant tree, Benicio del Toro was in there somewhere, stuff blew up some more, and everybody looked like they were having a blast. Well except for Zoe Saldana, she always has that arrogant fart sniffing face in everything she does. Overall I enjoyed myself, it actually fondly reminded me of The Fifth Element, so if you want a stupid fun summer explosion movie, go ahead and give it some eyeball attention.

Best characters in the movie.
Rocket and Groot, I could watch an entire movie about them.

Besides casting the always annoying Zoe Saldana in another boring blue/green/ whatever color alien fighty badass princess cliché and the obvious logical inconsistencies and plot holes, Guardians suffered from the same unfortunate flaw of every single Marvel movie, a complete lack of quality kickass villains. All of the Marvel movies lack decent, interesting, and scary villains. Looking back I can’t even remember the bad guy in the first Iron Man or any of the sequels. I vaguely remember Loki in Avengers teaming up with some alien robots or something. Compare the Marvel movie villans with all the amazing memorable Batman cast and my point is easily illustrated. Evil robot dude, Loki, and that other guy with the metal whips don’t hold a candle to Joker, Catwoman, Penguin, Two Face, Poison Ivy, Scarecrow, and Mr. Freeze.

So evillll, so boring.
So evillll, so boring.

The big scary evil dude in Guardians is Roan the Accuser who wants to blow up the planet Xandar for some reason or other that I might have missed. Either way, the guy is boring, and every time he shows up the movie gets dull. The third act becomes predictable losing all  fun and energy when it turns into a giant CGI battle above space New York that is exactly like the final fight in Avengers. If Guardians lacked a villain completely and focused on the crew stealing space junk and escaping the space police for three hours it would have been an five star movie but because all the fun was anchored around a boring bad guy and an illogical plot involving yet another all-powerful orb of some sort I have to give it a good fun 3/5.

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