Author: Alexandru Constantin

Star Wars: It’s for kids.

It’s December 10th in the Year of our Lord 2019. In ten days the last of the new Star Wars movies comes out in theaters. Between its upcoming release and The Mandalorian birthing a deluge of Baby Yoda posts social media is overrun with Star Wars conversations so I wanted to remind everyone that no matter what, the new Star Wars will be disappointing. Why? Because Star Wars is, and always was, for children, and as an adult it will never live up to your imagined expectations, because … say it with me, Star Wars is for children.

What made the original Star Wars great is also what keeps it from replicating that magic. There is nowhere to go with a property that is aimed at children.

Unlike a lot of science fiction fans Star Wars was never my favorite. I saw all the movies on VHS growing up, went to Disneyland and rode Star Tours, played all of those awesome SNES games, and even owned the TIE simulator PC game. I went to the theaters excited about Phantom Menace, came out disappointed, and moved on, that was the last SW I bothered with. I was never a hardcore fan. I never had action figures, lunchboxes, lightsabers, or any intense emotional connection to the franchise. I enjoyed it as a kid and always looked back fondly on the movies, but I never obsessed over it.

The other night my wife decided to give The Mandalorian a try. She’s the movie and television fan in our family, I usually sit around and read while she watches Netflix or Prime shows unless it’s something that really interests me. But, The Mandalorian caught my attention and we ended up watching all of the available episodes. It’s a fun, awkwardly paced, light science fiction adventure show. Most of all, it’s a kid show put out by Disney, a company whose primary market is children.

When we finished the last available episode we decided to watch Episode IV: A New Hope. I can’t remember the last time I took the time to watch it and my wife barely remembered the plot. Luckily Disney+ has all of the Star Wars movies. Unluckily it only has the edited versions with the garish CGI additions. But, nonetheless we started watching it and I was excited. I even decided to re-watch the whole series, maybe all of it, and try to write about them.

Sadly, like a lot of things from the past, I should have let this movie live fondly in my memories. It’s a good movie, if you ignore the CGI vandalism Lucas vomited onto his own work, but it’s a movie made for 12-year old boys and I’m a 36-year old father. The acting, the plot, it’s rather cringe.  In my mind’s eye I remember Vader and the Empire being menacing. On screen the acting is stilted and the whole thing comes off campy. Luke is dweeby, Han is campy, and Fisher is a poor actress. I got sleepy and sadly gave up a bit after they left on the Millennium Falcon and never had the urge to continue.

The detailed Star Wars sci-fi epic that I imagined doesn’t exist anywhere but in my memories.  But that’s ok. Star Wars was a kid’s movie, it’s a great kid’s movie, and will always be a great kid’s movie. I outgrew it not the other way around and I believe a lot of the anger, disappointment, and failed expectations of the new material comes from adults that have forgotten how campy, cheesy, and childish the original movies are.

Back in 1999 when The Phantom Menace came out I was in High School. I remember all of the hype, significantly heavy and impressive in an era before social media. Anyone else remember the Star Wars pogs at Taco Bell? Either way, we went to the theater as a family, and of course, like most people I was disappointed in it. It was childish, stupid, filled with dumb CGI characters like Jar Jar and those dumb droids. It felt like a kids movie and my snobby high school self was into serious stuff like punk rock and Tolstoy. My brother, who is 10 years younger than me absolutely loved it. Why? Because it was a movie made for him. Even the main character, Anakin, was his age. Because Star Wars is for kids.

So, if you go watch the new Star Wars in theaters, or bother with The Mandalorian, take a minute to remember that it’s not for you. It’s for children.

Book Review: The Last Ancestor by Alexander Hellene

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of doing some camping with Uncle Sam’s Gun Club. It consisted of several weeks of being out in the middle of nowhere, sleeping out in the cold, eating MRE’s, and running endless Mass Casualty drills. The sort of stuff I live for. Of course I took my Kindle with me and managed to read between CBR drills.

The book that kept my attention in the midst of all the excitement was Alexander Hellene’s latest, The Last Ancestor: The Swordbringer Book 1. A fantastic piece of science fiction adventure that reads like a throwback to a better time, a time where novels were action packed, heroic, and fun, instead of ironic and nihilistic.

The Last Ancestor is a coming of age adventure novel that follows Garrett Nestor, a human teen born and raised on the planet Yxakh. Garrett is part of the New Canaan settlement made up of Christian refugees who escaped war and persecution on earth only to crash-land on a planet populated by a warlike race of canine-like aliens nicknamed Growlers who are hostile to humanity and their beliefs. The fledgling human colony lives at the mercy of the Growlers Supreme Leader who despises their religion but covets the firearms and technology they posses. In the midst of this interesting setup our young protagonist befriends a curious Growler and ends up in the middle of a life or death plot that forever changes the future of everyone, Human and Growler.

At face value The Last Ancestor is an action packed boy’s adventure novel that reminds me of some of the Jules Verne books I read growing up. Fun, action packed, filled with hideous aliens, honorable friends, crashed space ships, hidden mysteries, and colorful characters. But, beneath the pulpy trappings Alexander Hellene gives us a wholesome coming of age tale about faith in ones people, religion, and friendship. Elements that are often missing from almost all of today’s entertainment.

The Last Ancestors strength, and also it’s weakness, but I’ll get to that later, lies in its pure earnestness. Hellene wore a novel that reads like the continuation of some of my favorite childhood action cartoons. When reading I pictured all of the characters animated in that awesome Hanna-Barbara Thundercats style that was so awesome back in the day. The Last Ancestor is a tale that is rooted in a moral and heroic landscape that was part of our childhood, Hellene is about my age. A landscape that was filled with heroic characters instead of the ironic and nihilistic fare that passes for boy’s entertainment nowadays. It’s a tale that belongs on the shelf next to He-Man, Thundercats, and Johnny Quest and fans of fun and adventurous will love this book.

But, like I said above, it’s earnestness also holds it back. The portrayal of Christians and their religion is refreshing. It’s wonderful to read a novel where Christians or the Christian analogue isn’t some evil hypocrite or backwards puritan. Yet, The Last Ancestor is ultimately a PG-13 adventure novel and I was left yearning for more depth. I wanted less action and more theology, more cultural comparison, more discussion of faith. Ultimately, that’s my issue because I tend to prefer slower more cerebral fiction, but from what I’ve read here it’s clear that Hellene has the literary chops to up the game in the future.

In the end The Last Ancestor is a fantastic independent novel that kept me reading. The quality of the prose, the world-building, character development, and plot are all top notch and I’m proud to award it the first ever BarbarianBookClub Honorable Pig Award. Alexander Hellene crafted a wonderful novel and his dedication and love for the material comes through on every page. This guy is a professional and I look forward to reading more of his work.

If you support independent fiction that turns it’s back on the nihilistic degeneracy pick this up. If you want a fun adventure on a well written alien world, pick this one up.

It’s been awhile old friends.

It’s two in the afternoon on Columbus day. My wife is napping with the kid and I’ve grown bored of trolling all the typical Columbus Day lib-posts, and Morrissey keeps popping up on my Spotifiy mix. In a few hours when everyone wakes up we will head out to our friends for dinner. Life is good.

Life has been busy. Between my life draining job and my responsibilities to my wife and kid I have very little time to myself. That small window of time is mostly taken by reading, writing fiction, and spending time with my wife watching movies or just hanging out. This place has been suffering. Mostly because it was always intended as a author site but right now I don’t really have a lot to put out.

I’ve written some short stories and have some more in the process but none of them really match the indy market. I don’t know where to submit them. I’m coming to the realization that my work doesn’t really jive with what editors like. Especially because I’m using the short story format to experiment with voice and style. I expect that in the future I will put out a collection of stories. I’m just not sure that they make a coherent product at this point.

More importantly I’ve started the groundwork on a novel. The last few months have been dedicated to research. I’m currently in the outline phase and plan on starting the first draft around the Thanksgiving holiday. The goal is to finish and publish before I head out on another South Pacific adventure next spring.

But, I digress. The point of this post was to discuss my plan for this blog. I’ve feel that a lot of fantasy review blogs suck. I can’t stand reading most of them. So instead of whining I’m going to start writing more in-depth reviews of books I think need general attention. I’m going to focus on indy books, specifically in the pulp-rev adjacent scene.

The reviews I plan on writing will be comprehensive. I’ll take recommendations but I’m rather picky when it comes to what I want to read so I might never get around to doing one on a book you wrote or would like reviewed.

I created a badge system. My reviews will only have three ratings. Blank, Honorable, and Golden. I will go in depth about what each entails but expect the majority of books to get blanks.

Cultural Malaise & Action

Recently during our regular grilling and drinking sessions with friends, the topic of conversation has been turning towards politics and even some religion. I’m a firm believer in the Chestertonian “I never discuss anything else except politics and religion. There is nothing else to discuss,” maxim, so I’m usually right in the middle of it.


Sadly the consensus amongst my friends and family is that everything is going south. That we as a culture are in decline, that our institutions are failing, and that the future looks dark. Violent political division, racial animosity, moral decline, mass shootings, and an overall pallor of degeneracy and unhappiness.


Last weekend, after a particularly long and dark discussion best described some other time, my wife rather demoralized asked the question that matters. What do we do about things, how do we live through times that are dark and demoralizing, what actions should we take?


Her question has been bothering me all week. I don’t have an answer. At least nothing that is concrete. I think that looking around, assessing the state of our lives, and the state of our society is the first step. So many of us live empty fast-food lives stuck in a never-ending cycle of work, consume, repeat; addicted to mind-numbing entertainment and shallow pleasures. So even seeing a problem with how we live and react is a first step in the right direction. And honestly, it’s easy sinking into despair and complacency. Becoming overwhelmed with Acedia, the defining characteristic of our modern world. Inactivity, inaction, lack of attention, dissatisfaction and slavery to anxiety. After all, we live in a sick world where we are connected digitally with thousands but can’t name the person who lives next door.


While I don’t have the answer, I do have some ideas on how we can try to combat the ills of today. I think that there needs to be a refocusing on the personal, a return to small scale intimacy and sub-creation. Not everything must be connected, displayed, and shared with the whole world. Do things for yourself and the ones you love. Create artistically, build, collect, adventure, but do it for yourself, not for Instagram.


I believe a small step towards alleviating the spiritual malaise is to revitalize the idea of crafty small scale creative hobbies. Everyone should have at least two personal hobbies. One that is physical such as weightlifting, running, surfing, hiking, or a sport, and more critically a creative hobby. I think way too many of us lack creative and intellectual outlets. Drawing, painting, cooking, baking, woodworking, gardening, photography, or any other creative outlet is critical.


As a writer I know that nothing beats the revitalizing mental high I get when I finish a story or even a section of one. But I’ve challenged myself to other hobbies such as my recent experiments with cooking and grilling, and my slow return to art. Eventually, I plan on getting into gardening, but I’m a little intimidated by the starting process.


As I said, I don’t have any concrete answers. But I do think that any change starts at home with the self, the small, and the personal. Disconnect from the mind-rot of television and get to work on a creative hobby. Learn it, master it, and share it with your friends.


It won’t change the world but it might make a small part of it a little bit better.