Category: Fatherhood

65

Today would have been my fathers 65th birthday. He passed away almost 17 years ago. I can’t believe fast time passes. The whole thing feels like yesterday.

I miss him a lot and strive to be someone he could have been proud of. I just wish he was here with us and had the chance to meet my wife and daughter.

The Highest Family Ideal

In yesterdays post I alluded to a Twitter conversation about parenting where I made the following statement.

 I wholeheartedly believe that the ideal situation for raising children is having a stay at home mother and a father that is available as much as possible. I understand that this is not possible or desirable for everyone, but, once again I re-iterate that I believe that the above is the ideal.

Can fathers be outstanding stay at home parents? Absolutely! But, I think a stay at home mother is preferable and more beneficial to the child. Is my belief sexist? Sure, whatever, deal with it, but deep down we all know it’s the honest truth.

In retrospective, and after being pointed out by H.P. in the comments and my wife in person, I was wrong. The ideal setup for a family is not a working father and a stay at home mother. The ideal setup is both parents being together and working from home.

The ideal family is the traditional agrarian or tradesman family. The land owning freemen of the late medieval period or the Renaissance, where husband and wife along with children owned and worked the land. Or the family that shared a trade, crafted items and made a living for themselves while enriching their community.

I am happy that the hard work, long hours, and even months away from home, allow me to provide for my family and enable my wife to be a stay at home mom for my daughter. But, the time way takes it’s toll, and I know all of our lives would be better if I didn’t spend so many hours doing work I only sometimes care for.

Can it be done, yes. I know some people that do it, but it’s difficult and requires a lot of work and dedication.

So in closing, the ideal family setup to raise a child in is the dual self sufficient, self-made, family.

Heretics, Tragedy, and Ideal Parenting

Today was a mellow Sunday. Our morning was spent grocery shopping. I’m really embracing domestic life. The weekly trip to Trader Joe’s with my wife and kid is an event I look forward to. Having a child makes you see the world with fresh eyes and even trips I used to find banal and tedious become new and exciting.

After lunch I took some time for myself and drove to B&N, grabbed some coffee, and picked through the offerings. I didn’t find the book I was looking for but I did come across this copy of Heretics. I have the matching Orthodoxy so I grabbed it to complete the set. I haven’t read either, I plan on doing so once I clear a bit of time and can really delve deep into the material.

While I was book-shopping I read the news about the tragic death of Kobe Bryant, his daughter, and seven others in a helicopter crash. I’m not a basketball fan and don’t really follow any athletes, but growing up in Southern California I’m aware of Kobe and the Lakers and his achievements. What gets me is that his daughter died along with him, being a father myself that really gets me. I can’t imagine how his wife, her mother, feels right now. Tragedy.

I bring up Kobe’s death because like clockwork the disgusting media cockroaches came out of their hives to attack the mans life. Felicia Sonmez, national political reporter with The Washington Post less than an hour after his helicopter crashed tweeted about Bryant’s rape case, attacking him and mourners. Reporters are human garbage.

When a fellow human, countryman, somebody that many people loved, it takes a special kind of fecal fungus to begin insulting before the fans and family even had a chance to mourn. You see this sort of thing every-time a public figure passes away, and honestly it says a lot about the people that engage in this sort of activity. Of course being a reporter in 2020 says enough.

In other news, if you follow my outstanding Twitter feed you probably saw the back and forth conversation about parenting. I wholeheartedly believe that the ideal situation for raising children is having a stay at home mother and a father that is available as much as possible. I understand that this is not possible or desirable for everyone, but, once again I re-iterate that I believe that the above is the ideal.

Can fathers be outstanding stay at home parents? Absolutely! But, I think a stay at home mother is preferable and more beneficial to the child. Is my belief sexist? Sure, whatever, deal with it, but deep down we all know it’s the honest truth.

Removing Television

I don’t consume a lot of television. Occasionally I will binge a show on Netflix. I liked the three seasons of Fargo and the first season of True Detective. I will put on some garden reality show or documentary in the background. Every now and then my wife and I stream a movie or watch some standup. But for the most part if I lived alone I would watch almost no television.

The truth is I just don’t enjoy movies or television. Compared to reading or listening to audiobooks I find the process tedious and unstimulating. I can’t thing of the last time I really enjoyed a new movie. I find streaming services like Netflix especially irritating because of the choice paralysis involved. Every time I sit down I spend forty-five minutes scrolling through the lackluster choices until I pick something I’m not really that excited to about but feel compelled to watch because I just spent forty-five minutes looking for it. I would rather spend the time reading, writing, talking, cooking, or just about anything including just sitting in silence napping.

Yesterday my wife and I were discussing children, our childhood, and parenting styles. Television screen time came up. I don’t exactly remember how the conversation developed but my wife asked me if I thought getting rid of the television would be a good idea. As in getting rid of it completely and making a living room without one as the centerpiece. The point being that we would raise Juniper free of television.

My initial reaction was immediate approval. The only one who watches it regularly is my wife so my life would remain mostly unchanged. It would be a improvement because it would force us to come up with some better activities on weekend nights and get rid of the dread of being stuck in an endless loop of deciding what to watch.

But we both have some misgiving. I grew up with unlimited screen time and no supervision over what movies and television I watched. I remember spending my afternoons watching Disney cartoons, I Love Lucy, Gilligan’s Island, The Beverly Hillbillies, and other reruns. Once I got a bit older I watched a lot of Star Trek the Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Hercules, Xena, The X-Files, and a bunch of other shows I can’t even remember. My younger brother and I spent a lot of time watching television, but we also played outside, played games, skateboarded, had a lot of friends, explored, got girlfriends when we got older, and grew up to be overall successful adults. Television did not rot our brains. Well maybe a little bit.

I’m afraid that if we get rid of the television we would be depriving Juniper of the fun I had growing up. I don’t want to be that crunchy granola or fundamentalist religious parent that forces my ascetic beliefs onto my children, but at the same time I feel that modern television is pure brain garbage and is just another excessive attention deficit inducing trash pile that sucks away happiness.

With our move coming up in the next few weeks it would be the perfect time to get rid of television and change the way we interact in our living room space. So I’m really thinking this over, weighing the pros and the cons. What do you guys think, should I dump the television? Do you think I would be depriving my daughter? Let me know in the comments, I’m really interested.

Fathers Day 2018

Igor

Father’s day usually brings me down a bit. My dad passed away over a decade ago and I miss him a lot. This year is the first time I’m a father myself, Juniper is one week old today. Lots of stuff to think about, lots of stuff to plan for the future, and some big shoes to fill.

Happy Fathers Day to all the Dads out there.