Cultural Malaise & Action

Recently during our regular grilling and drinking sessions with friends, the topic of conversation has been turning towards politics and even some religion. I’m a firm believer in the Chestertonian “I never discuss anything else except politics and religion. There is nothing else to discuss,” maxim, so I’m usually right in the middle of it.


Sadly the consensus amongst my friends and family is that everything is going south. That we as a culture are in decline, that our institutions are failing, and that the future looks dark. Violent political division, racial animosity, moral decline, mass shootings, and an overall pallor of degeneracy and unhappiness.


Last weekend, after a particularly long and dark discussion best described some other time, my wife rather demoralized asked the question that matters. What do we do about things, how do we live through times that are dark and demoralizing, what actions should we take?


Her question has been bothering me all week. I don’t have an answer. At least nothing that is concrete. I think that looking around, assessing the state of our lives, and the state of our society is the first step. So many of us live empty fast-food lives stuck in a never-ending cycle of work, consume, repeat; addicted to mind-numbing entertainment and shallow pleasures. So even seeing a problem with how we live and react is a first step in the right direction. And honestly, it’s easy sinking into despair and complacency. Becoming overwhelmed with Acedia, the defining characteristic of our modern world. Inactivity, inaction, lack of attention, dissatisfaction and slavery to anxiety. After all, we live in a sick world where we are connected digitally with thousands but can’t name the person who lives next door.


While I don’t have the answer, I do have some ideas on how we can try to combat the ills of today. I think that there needs to be a refocusing on the personal, a return to small scale intimacy and sub-creation. Not everything must be connected, displayed, and shared with the whole world. Do things for yourself and the ones you love. Create artistically, build, collect, adventure, but do it for yourself, not for Instagram.


I believe a small step towards alleviating the spiritual malaise is to revitalize the idea of crafty small scale creative hobbies. Everyone should have at least two personal hobbies. One that is physical such as weightlifting, running, surfing, hiking, or a sport, and more critically a creative hobby. I think way too many of us lack creative and intellectual outlets. Drawing, painting, cooking, baking, woodworking, gardening, photography, or any other creative outlet is critical.


As a writer I know that nothing beats the revitalizing mental high I get when I finish a story or even a section of one. But I’ve challenged myself to other hobbies such as my recent experiments with cooking and grilling, and my slow return to art. Eventually, I plan on getting into gardening, but I’m a little intimidated by the starting process.


As I said, I don’t have any concrete answers. But I do think that any change starts at home with the self, the small, and the personal. Disconnect from the mind-rot of television and get to work on a creative hobby. Learn it, master it, and share it with your friends.


It won’t change the world but it might make a small part of it a little bit better.

Two Months

My last full post was two months ago. Don’t worry, I’m still here. I’m not giving up on this space. Matter of fact I just renewed my domain name.

I’ve been terribly busy. Between being a father, husband, and a full time job, my time is overbooked. Especially these last few months due to my work sending me out of town for training. Last week I spent living out of the back of a military ambulance.

What free time I have that isn’t devoted to my family is spent writing. I’ve been consistently hitting my wordcount goals and have a lot of big projects planned. I’m giving myself a 10-year transition to full time author timeline. In order to make that goal every spare moment needs to be devoted to writing, research, craft, and marketing.

I’m not sure what I want to do with this blog space. Do I want to continue keeping it a semi-personal space used like a journal? I don’t really like reviews but I could turn it into a page devoted to indy writers I follow. Use it as a newsletter? Lots of options. For now I’m going to do what I have been doing, but that might change in the future.

In the coming months I’m going to start revealing my upcoming projects.

If you are interested in my day to day commentary please follow me on twitter by clicking on the widget below or following this link https://twitter.com/dacianwanderer

Pen & Paper, Letter & Journal

Last week my family celebrated my daughters first birthday. It was a wonderful endcap to a challenging, fulfilling, and wonderful first year of fatherhood. Transitional moments and milestones tend to put me in pensive moods so I’ve been reflecting on the subject of permanence and longevity. Will I be remembered after I’m gone? How will I be remembered? How will my daughter see me, my work, my life?

I’m a dedicated reader of biographies. As a writer I think good biographies are monumentally useful because going deeply into a subject is a critical boon towards creating believable characters with depth and realism. Biographers use numerous sources to bring their subjects to life and give the reader a hopefully realistic portrait,the most useful sources are the subjects own words in the form of journals and letters.

Leonardo Da Vinci was a constant journal writer. He carried a notebook with him at all times and constantly jotted down notes and observation. His notebooks are a unique view into his mind. Napoleon Bonaparte was a prolific letter writer. The Bonaparte foundation has over 40,000 letters documenting his life in often minute detail. In the fantasy writers world most of what we know about H.P. Lovecraft, Clarke Ashton Smith, and Robert Howard comes from the large volume of correspondence between the writers. Letters and journals are invaluable windows into the lives of the past.

I’ve kept a journal for the past two years. Last week I was rewarded by thumbing through last years worth of writing and coming across the entry I made on the day my daughter was born. I had forgotten about it, honestly I must of sat down and jotted it during the hectic hours of my wifes early labor. Reading it a year later brought back vivid memories of that wonderful day. I hope that I can hold on to my journal so I can share the thoughts I had on that day with my daughter when she grows up.

All of this brings me back to the pensive meditation on permanence I mentioned above. How will I be remembered. With journaling a dying art and lettering six feet under, all that is left of us is the profanity laced, meme poisoned, digital trail of social media. With this in mind I searched out my old LiveJournal and MySpace accounts. I have a good memory so I managed to unlock both accounts. After a few minutes of reading the horror that poured out of my young adult mind I deleted both accounts. Next I went through early Facebook from 2006 when I first created that account. Once again, horror. Nothing that would get my acceptance to Harvard rescinded, but definitely filled with embarrassing stupidity. Looking at my posts from 2007-2010 one would be justified in having concerns about the health of my liver.

A decade ago we used social media differently. It wasn’t so serious, so scrutinized, so manufactured. It was off the cuff jokes, jibes at friends, stupid pictures, and invitations to go drinking. We set up obnoxious auto playing songs on our MySpace profiles, assaulting visitors with noise and crappy HTML templates. It was new, fun, and nobody really thought about how long the crap we posted would be floating around in digital space.

Now I have a crippling fear that when I die everything about me will come from my old social media profiles. My descendants will remember me from idiotic posts about Pabst Blue Ribbon tall-cans and rants on how much I hated Tarantino’s latest movie. Some social historian will dig up the stupidest crap and I will be immortalized by the digital equivalent of the vulgar graffiti found in Pompeii.

But isn’t that the real me? Isn’t that what social media was supposed to be. An open community bringing us together, being ourselves in the digital space. Maybe. But, personally I rather stick to pen and paper, letter and journal.

Barbarian Book Club: 6 June 2019

Another month goes by and I managed to scrape by with seven books. How I yearn for the old days where I could spend all day reading. Sometimes finishing two novels a day. Being a husband and a father take up most of my time. I’m looking forward to retirement where I can spend my days reclining in an armchair, drinking tea, and devouring books.

The Sisters Brothers by Patrick deWitt. A modern western about two brothers sent to California to kill a man who owes their boss money. It had a few moments but overall disappointing. It came off as a Tarantino pastiche that couldn’t decide if it wanted to be serious or comically absurd. But it’s biggest sin was leaving out the most important character in any western. The West itself. Great westerns always make the land a character. The deserts, the mesas, the wide plains, and treacherous mountain passes. The land itself must be in the novel.

The Medici: Power, Money, and Ambition in the Italian Renaissance by Paul Strathern A fantastic historical overview of the powerful Medici family that rose from modest means to being some of the principals behind the Italian Renaissance. Bankers, Patrons, Bishops, Dukes, Popes, and Queens, the Medici rose to the heights of European power. The books main focus is on the height of the family during the Renaissance, from Cosimo through Lorenzo, wrapping up with the eventual fall of the family into obscurity. Fascinatingly the book also focuses on the artists, poets, and writers such as Michelangelo, showcasing the massive impact on the artistic revival of the most illustrious Medici.

A Brightness Long Ago by Guy Gavriel Kay Outstanding novel. My favorite fantasy read this year. My complete review here.

The Renaissance at War (Smithsonian History of Warfare) by Thomas Arnold The Smithsonian History of Warfare series is really good. Quick pocket size books filled with maps, charts, diagrams, and all sorts of great information for anybody interested in a more in depth look into historical warfare.

Landsknecht Soldier 1486–1560 (Warrior) by John Richards Quick chapbook on the famous mercenaries. The Osprey Publishing books make great research material for writers. I read this one in a few hours while watching some young guns qualify on the rifle range.

Magnifico: The Brilliant Life and Violent Times of Lorenzo de’ Medici by Miles Unger I find the political history of the Italian city states during the Renaissance interesting and the Medici of Florence are some of the most interesting players of the era. Lorenzo the Magnificent being the best example of a Renaissance lord. A dark, brooding, complex man who was an expert and ruthless political player yet abhorred the process, pining for the freedom to tend garden and write poetry. I also enjoy biographies and believe that all writers should read biographies. Getting a deep understanding of great men and women helps one create complex believable characters.

A Song for Arbonne by Guy Gavriel Kay This was a audiobook re-read. Kay is one of the rare modern fantasy writers I enjoy reading and A Song for Arbonne is my favorite one of his fantasy novels. This one has great characters, set in a fantastic fantasy version of Cathar Provencal in the age of the Troubadours. It ends with a great medieval battle that doesn’t quite reach the heights in Return of the King yet comes close enough to make it memorable. I highly recommend this one.

A Brightness Long Ago by Guy Gavriel Kay

The sailors say the rain misses the cloud even as it falls through light or dark into the sea. I miss her like that as I fall through my life, through time, the chaos of our time. I dream of her some nights, still, but there is nothing to give weight or value to that, it is only me, and what I want to be true. It is only longing.

A Brightness Long Ago by Guy Gavriel Kay

I discovered Guy Gavriel Kay several years ago when I returned to Fantasy. Originally I started reading A Song of Ice and Fire but quickly became burned out on the nihilism and onslaught of negativity in those books. Yes, the world is dark and often people are cruel, and nasty. But the world is also beautiful and people can be surprisingly selfless, heroic, and noble. More often than not people can be both cruel and selfless, both heroic and nasty.

After almost giving up on Fantasy because I didn’t want to read nihilistic grimdark or the bloated door stoppers focused on magical power systems, I stumbled on Guy Gavriel Kay’s Tigana and fell in love with Fantasy all over again. Here was a modern writer that wrote beautiful literary fantasy with a depth of emotion not found anywhere else.

Kay’s novels are poetically written historical fantasies. Worlds and characters in fantasy worlds slightly different but recognizable. His poetic writing and focus on theme over plot give his novels an almost impressionistic feel, full of sorrowful and nostalgic moods invoking a hazy watercolor like experience.

Some of his past novels that I consider some of my personal favorite, are The Lions of Al-Rassan and A Song for Arbonne. The first takes place in a fantasy version of Andalusia during the Reconquista. Lions is as story about war, love, friendship, and loyalty, in a world that is ceasing to exist. The latter, and my favorite, is set in a Fantasy version of south-western France somewhat inspired by the Cathars and the Albigensian Crusade. A mercenary from the north becomes involved in a web of war and politics involving the Troubadour culture of the Arabonne’s Court of Love.

I read a lot of Kay’s novels but my interest in his work began to taper once he switched his focus away from European inspired work and began writing several novels based on Chinese Dynasties, a historical subject I don’t have much interest in. But, randomly I came across news that he was about to release a new work, a novel set in a Fantasy version of Renaissance Italy, which has been my historical obsession for the past year. I pre-ordered right away.

A Brightness Long Ago might be my Kay’s best novel to date. A thematically complex work focused on memory and the intersection of choice and fate. Our main character is Guidanio Cerra, a well educated son of a tailor now a powerful member of Seressa’s(Fantasy Venice) ruling council. He mournfully recalls his youth where his life crossed paths with two powerful feuding Condottiere Folco d’Acrosi and Teobaldo Monticola di Remigio, and the fateful events surrounding their final confrontation.

Guidanio’s recollections are written in conversational first person and filled with his philosophical and religious musings on memory, love, fate, and will. But other characters and sections are written in third person, giving us a complex and satisfying view of the personalities populating this world.

The beauty of this novel is not in the plot, which is painted with broad strokes, but in the interconnected depth of characters and in the theme of fate and choice. Several times in the novel minor characters make small, seemingly inconsequential choices that turn out to have life changing consequences in later chapters.

What I personally loved is the lack of linear logic in the chain of events. Sometimes things just happen. People just die. People get sick. People make irrational decisions that lead to catastrophic results. Sometimes your favorite loses the race and you go home. Sometimes the heroes don’t answer the call. Sometimes you luck out and win. Maybe the person you randomly meet is ends up being the love of your life, or maybe not, and you quickly forget each other.

As humans we tend to think of our lives, the past, history, as a logical linear progression and our brains invent a connected narrative. But, real life isn’t like that, the narrative is always tacked on with hindsight. The future is hard to predict due to the vagaries of fate and choice. A Brightness Long Ago captures this like no novel I’ve read before. For the first time in awhile I was actually surprised at some of the events without it feeling contrived.

The setting is beautiful and full of depth and the characters, from the major players to the minor ones that only stay with you for a few paragraphs are perfectly written. Connoisseurs of Italian Renaissance history will recognize Kay’s fantasy stand ins for the city-states, the mercenaries, the Medici, the Popes, and numerous other Renaissance personalities like Michelangelo. The world has a magical quality but also feels real and more complex than fantasy worlds developed over numerous novels.

A Brightness Long Ago is a fantastic, beautiful, and elegant novel. The perfect mix of literary and fantastic writing. A novel that goes beyond plot, exploring complex theme, yet doesn’t sacrifice character, adventure, and magic. I have a feeling it stay at the top of my favorites for a long time.