Category: Journal

Master

65

Today would have been my fathers 65th birthday. He passed away almost 17 years ago. I can’t believe fast time passes. The whole thing feels like yesterday.

I miss him a lot and strive to be someone he could have been proud of. I just wish he was here with us and had the chance to meet my wife and daughter.

The Highest Family Ideal

In yesterdays post I alluded to a Twitter conversation about parenting where I made the following statement.

 I wholeheartedly believe that the ideal situation for raising children is having a stay at home mother and a father that is available as much as possible. I understand that this is not possible or desirable for everyone, but, once again I re-iterate that I believe that the above is the ideal.

Can fathers be outstanding stay at home parents? Absolutely! But, I think a stay at home mother is preferable and more beneficial to the child. Is my belief sexist? Sure, whatever, deal with it, but deep down we all know it’s the honest truth.

In retrospective, and after being pointed out by H.P. in the comments and my wife in person, I was wrong. The ideal setup for a family is not a working father and a stay at home mother. The ideal setup is both parents being together and working from home.

The ideal family is the traditional agrarian or tradesman family. The land owning freemen of the late medieval period or the Renaissance, where husband and wife along with children owned and worked the land. Or the family that shared a trade, crafted items and made a living for themselves while enriching their community.

I am happy that the hard work, long hours, and even months away from home, allow me to provide for my family and enable my wife to be a stay at home mom for my daughter. But, the time way takes it’s toll, and I know all of our lives would be better if I didn’t spend so many hours doing work I only sometimes care for.

Can it be done, yes. I know some people that do it, but it’s difficult and requires a lot of work and dedication.

So in closing, the ideal family setup to raise a child in is the dual self sufficient, self-made, family.

Heretics, Tragedy, and Ideal Parenting

Today was a mellow Sunday. Our morning was spent grocery shopping. I’m really embracing domestic life. The weekly trip to Trader Joe’s with my wife and kid is an event I look forward to. Having a child makes you see the world with fresh eyes and even trips I used to find banal and tedious become new and exciting.

After lunch I took some time for myself and drove to B&N, grabbed some coffee, and picked through the offerings. I didn’t find the book I was looking for but I did come across this copy of Heretics. I have the matching Orthodoxy so I grabbed it to complete the set. I haven’t read either, I plan on doing so once I clear a bit of time and can really delve deep into the material.

While I was book-shopping I read the news about the tragic death of Kobe Bryant, his daughter, and seven others in a helicopter crash. I’m not a basketball fan and don’t really follow any athletes, but growing up in Southern California I’m aware of Kobe and the Lakers and his achievements. What gets me is that his daughter died along with him, being a father myself that really gets me. I can’t imagine how his wife, her mother, feels right now. Tragedy.

I bring up Kobe’s death because like clockwork the disgusting media cockroaches came out of their hives to attack the mans life. Felicia Sonmez, national political reporter with The Washington Post less than an hour after his helicopter crashed tweeted about Bryant’s rape case, attacking him and mourners. Reporters are human garbage.

When a fellow human, countryman, somebody that many people loved, it takes a special kind of fecal fungus to begin insulting before the fans and family even had a chance to mourn. You see this sort of thing every-time a public figure passes away, and honestly it says a lot about the people that engage in this sort of activity. Of course being a reporter in 2020 says enough.

In other news, if you follow my outstanding Twitter feed you probably saw the back and forth conversation about parenting. I wholeheartedly believe that the ideal situation for raising children is having a stay at home mother and a father that is available as much as possible. I understand that this is not possible or desirable for everyone, but, once again I re-iterate that I believe that the above is the ideal.

Can fathers be outstanding stay at home parents? Absolutely! But, I think a stay at home mother is preferable and more beneficial to the child. Is my belief sexist? Sure, whatever, deal with it, but deep down we all know it’s the honest truth.

A Wonderful Realization

This coming spring I will turn 37 years old. Maybe it’s the age or the end of the decade, maybe it’s the splash of gray in my hair that I just noticed or recently becoming a father, but I’ve been thinking a lot about where I am in life and where I want to find myself tomorrow or next decade.


I recently had a wonderful realization, a liberating realization. I’m not going to become an astronaut. Nope, it’s never going to happen. Not only that, but I’m not going to become a star athlete, millionaire record-producer, venture-capitalist, scientist inventor of the cure for whatever, or any other dream and expectation that one has growing up. Nope, none of that is going to happen. What I am is a husband, father, brother, writer, dog-owner, and a few other mundane things that I love and enjoy.


One of the benefits of giving up on high expectations is that I can focus and enjoy life and hobbies on a micro-level. I can pick up guitar playing without hoping to become the next Jimmy Page. I can lift weights without the desire to compete and rate myself against professional bodybuilders. When I jog it’s because I enjoy it not because I’m training for the Boston Marathon.

There is a poisonous mindset in our culture that takes every hobby and activity and hyper-professionalizes it. Even video games are professional, you can’t just play a game, you have to be on-line, have to rate on seasonal ranking boards, have to compete and practice for hours, everyone has to stream. Tabletop RPGs are going the same way. You can’t just play with your friends, you have to blog about it, stream your games, monetize monetize monetize.

I fell into this mindset when I was young and gave up two activities I really enjoyed for stupid reasons. In high school and a bit after I used to play guitar. I really enjoyed being in a band, playing gigs, hanging out with friends, but most of all I enjoyed playing the guitar, writing music, learning riffs, and experimenting with equipment. For whatever reason, life, bands breaking up due to school and relationships, the usual, I gave up on playing guitar. I told myself that if I wasn’t going to make money on it I should stop wasting my time. Around that time I did the same thing with art. I used to paint, all the time, every day. Large oil and acrylic paintings. I loved art, but I knew that I would never become an artist, whatever that means, so I quit. I gave up art and music because of the sick mindset in which you don’t engage in activities for pleasure but only for professional profit.

Around the time my wife became pregnant I made a resolution to pick up cooking. Since then I’ve become a somewhat competent amateur cook. I can knock out a few dishes confidently and I’ve taken up summertime grilling where I’ve kicked up some delicious burgers, hot-dogs, chicken, and ribs. Most of all I’ve realized that one can enjoy a hobby without obsessing about being the best. I can cook and grill for myself and my own pleasure.

The realization that I’m not going to be the next top chef, that I don’t want to be discovered and open my own restaurant, that I don’t want to own a food truck and a Netflix show. I just want to cook great food for my family and friends. That’s it, nothing more nothing less. It’s a great feeling and makes the enjoyment of the activity so much more pleasant, a truly relaxing hobby.

This year I’m going to continue cooking. I’m going to up my game and have a lot of fun with it. I’m also going to apply the same mindset to other hobbies. Who knows, maybe I’ll pick up a paintbrush.